Bush’s Pretzel Incident

[Blogger’s note: Ordinarily I have tremendous sympathy for recovering alcoholics and people struggling with addictions in general. However, I have no such generous feelings towards Bush. His enthusiastic support for such horrors as aggressive war and torture put him, in my estimation, beyond the realm of ordinary human to human sympathy, and I have no problem whatsoever mocking him and heaping ridicule upon him and his drinking problems.]

Do you remember the incident with Bush and the pretzel? In the dark days following 9/11, Bush allegedly was watching football by himself in the White House residence when he swallowed a pretzel too quickly. This somehow resulted in him sort of choking – but not really choking – and then somehow fainting. Since he was allegedly alone at the time, this could have been a catastrophe (can you imagine, the President dying by choking in private on a pretzel?) Thankfully, Jeebus was watchin’ over him extra hard that day, and he woke up and sheepishly told the secret service guards what had happened.

I had forgotten about this strange incident until yesterday, when I read an internet article that used this picture to illustrate Bush:

How did he get that bruise? I wondered. Was it a recent occurrence? After minimal searching I found the article that was the source for the original picture:

Bush faints at White House, recovers quickly

I read that story six years ago and I remember thinking, just a little bit, that maybe he had “fallen off the wagon.” But, a mere four months after 9/11, I still was in a state of shock, and still had some small amount of respect for the president, so I took Bush’s version of events as the truth, and put aside those ungenerous thoughts of him lapsing back into alcoholism.

However, last night when I read the story, I must say, I was laughing my ass off! Oh, come on! For God’s sakes! It’s preposterous:

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White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president had been checked by his physician, Dr. Richard Tubb, Monday and his vital signs were normal. Bush had never before had a fainting spell, Fleischer said after checking with the president.

"I hit the deck," Bush said in recounting for reporters how, alone in a room with his dogs, he had passed out while watching a football game on television. "Woke up and there was Barney and Spot showing a lot of concern."

The president looked a bit tired but otherwise fit when he stopped to assure reporters that he was doing well. Bush shared few details about the episode.

"I didn't realize what happened before I looked at the mirror and my glasses cut the side of my face," the president said, pointing to an abrasion on his upper left cheek. "I had good blood pressure last night. Good blood pressure this morning."

Tubb said in a telephone interview Sunday that Bush quickly recovered from the episode, apparently brought on by swallowing a pretzel awkwardly which triggered a temporary decrease in heart rate. He said the president had been feeling under the weather over the weekend.

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“A temporary decrease in heart rate” my ass! He “looked a bit tired.” He “had been feeling under the weather.” Har har har! Any rational person has to admit that the most probable explanation his bruise was that he drank himself silly to the point that he passed out and smashed his face on a coffee table! [A slightly more comical -- though unsupported-by-the-facts -- theory might be that Laura got really mad at him and threw a frying pan at his face, after which she was awkwardly wrestled to the ground by secret servicemen; we can’t discount that explanation.] 

Oh yeah, and I’ve had that same sort of tired and ill feeling myself, but I call it a hangover!

Really now. The poor dear, all by his lonesome watching a football game to try to relieve the unbearable weight of being commander in chief and protecting America from all the terrorists. And he chokes on a pretzel. So unfair.

Or an utter incompetent, in WAY over his head, reverting back to alcoholism in a big way?!

You decide.

I tried to imagine what sort of person I was six years ago that I would possibly think the official story credible in any way. I must have been far too child-like and trusting.

I take it as a positive sign, a sign of maturation, that I am properly laughing at this incident now. Also, as a sign that I have perhaps moved beyond the fear that 9/11 induced in all of us. Honestly, at this point I am more afraid of the harm that Bush and Cheney are doing to this country than I am of any potential terrorist attack. And that seems like a sort of progress.